Reading time: Just over 3 minutes

Reducing writing shame should be one of your goals if you ever suffer from this supremely uncomfortable and unhelpful emotion….

Are you proud of your ability to write? Or do you secretly feel embarrassed, worried or even ashamed about it?

Let me begin by defining shame. People often feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong. Shame, however, is the feeling that we ourselves are wrong or bad for what we did or failed to do. It is deeper than guilt, and we use it to condemn not just our behaviour but our very selves.

Even though shame is unhealthy, we have a hard time walking away from the feeling because — on some level — we believe it saves us.

First, we think it protects us from punishment. But this is not true because — even if no one else notices our error — we are all inclined to punish ourselves. (Think about the time you ate a meal out at a restaurant when you knew you couldn’t really afford it. Or the time you bought something — whether a car or a piece of clothing — well outside of your budget.)

Second, we believe shame will help us maintain control. This is also incorrect because shame usually encourages us to continue displaying the same behaviours that caused the problem in the first place. Think about skipping your writing for a day. Is it easier or harder to resume writing the next day? Spoiler: It’s almost always harder because we’ve started to lose the automaticity (the ability to do things without occupying our minds with low-level details) that comes with ingrained habits.

Third, shame causes us to believe the problem is all our own fault, and we assume that we just need to pull up our socks. Writing feels so individual and so personal that we have a hard time imagining that responsibility could rest with anyone else. But if you failed to play the French horn, for example, would you blame yourself? (Assuming you’d never played the French horn before.) No, of course not! You’d understand the problem was that you’d never had any instruction.

I know, I know, you’re going to tell me you had plenty of writing instruction in school. But the vast majority of school-based writing instruction will have focused on spelling and grammar. Almost none of it will have addressed the issues relating to the behaviour and neuroscience that can make a massive difference to writers.

But there’s an even more insidious problem with shame. Research has shown that it causes people to procrastinate to avoid it.

If you are feeling any shame associated with your writing, be sure to take some quick steps to nip it in the bud. Here are three suggestions for you:

1-Focus on your breathing. Slow, deep breathing is inherently calming and will help keep shame away. Many of us suffer from what I like to call writing apnea, and this disorder predisposes us to shame because it puts our autonomic nervous systems into freak-out mode. If you want to get really serious about your breathing, then please consider meditating. And if you hate meditating, try some breathing exercises.

2-Adopt a realistic attitude toward mistakes. We all make mistakes; it’s part of the human condition. But shame always tries to convince us we should either ruminate endlessly on our failures, never forgiving ourselves for them, or forget about them entirely, as the only way to move forward. If you’re able to take a more realistic attitude — owning your failures, as well as your successes — you’re more likely to hold shame at bay.

3-Talk back to your inner editor. Replace each negative message with a positive one. For example, when you hear “It’s pathetic that I can write only 50 words a day,” respond with “It’s great that I’m able to write every day and, over time, I’ll be able to finish that paper/chapter, no problem.” 

Shame is a deep, insidious habit that can not only make you feel abysmal, but also derail your writing. Take it seriously, and don’t let it get its clutches on your psyche.

This is a substantially updated version of a post that first appeared on my blog on Sept. 18/18.

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Need some help developing a better, more sustainable writing or editing routine? Learn about my three-month accountability program called Get It Done. There is turn-over each month, and priority will go to those who have applied first. You can go directly to the application form and you’ll hear back from me within 24 hours.

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My video podcast last week addressed how to find an agent. Go here to see the video or read the transcript, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Do you ever experience writing shame? How do you deal with it? We can all learn from each other, so please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the “comments” section, below. And congratulations to Mariia Kostetska, the winner of this month’s book prize, for a comment on my Aug. 27/24 blog about the ways we often sabotage our rest ethic. (Please send me your email address, Mariia!) If you comment on today’s post (or any others) by Sept. 30/24, I’ll put you in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To leave your own comment, please scroll down to the section directly underneath the “related posts” links, below. Note that you don’t have to join the commenting software to post. See here to learn how to post as a guest. It’s easy!

Reading time: About 4 minutes

Is writing perfectionism something that troubles you? Here’s a list of practical tips to help you vanquish that unruly beast…

Many clients tell me they don’t write because they’re writing perfectionists. They can’t start their writing, they say, because they know it won’t be good enough. As a result, they procrastinate.

Sounds logical, doesn’t it? But with a bit of probing, I usually discover that another emotion is in play — typically, fear.

In fact, when I interviewed procrastination expert Piers Steel — a professor at the University of Calgary — some years ago (the recording and a transcript are available to participants in my Extreme Writing Makeover program, lesson #19), he said that perfectionism is only weakly linked with procrastination.

For procrastinators, the bigger problem is almost always impulsivity — an inability to force themselves to do something difficult when they’d rather be surfing the net, scrolling through Facebook or watching Netflix.

Still, perfectionism may be on the rise. The World Health Organization reports that a record number of young people face depression and anxiety disorders — and some researchers believe these disorders are linked to irrational ideas and expectations —  often, perfectionism.

So, if you’re convinced that perfectionism is wrapping its cold fingers around your neck, I have 11 suggestions for you:

1-Understand that perfectionism is bad for you

Something about the word “perfect” makes us imagine rainbows and unicorns when, in fact, we should be thinking of dragons and thunderstorms.

First, writing perfectionism is bad for your career because trying to get everything “perfect” means that it will take longer to write, and most bosses or supervisors don’t appreciate those kinds of delays. Heck, you probably don’t appreciate those kinds of delays yourself!

Second, writing perfectionism hurts your motivation because it can’t tolerate deviations from a goal.

Third, writing perfectionism is bad for your health. As I said earlier, researchers have linked perfectionistic tendencies with depression, anxiety and self-harm.

Instead, learn to embrace the concept of a growth mindset. This idea, developed by researcher Carol Dweck, holds that each of us can become a better writer (or better anything else) with more practice.

2-Begin by acknowledging your perfectionism

I work with one client who’s a raging perfectionist, and I know he has no idea he is one. He simply believes he has superior standards. And that those standards are necessary.

I’ve been trying to screw up the courage to talk to him about it because confronting this issue would change his life (and business) in an entirely positive way. I’m reluctant, however, because I don’t think he’ll ever be prepared to acknowledge this reality.

Don’t be like him!

If you’re a perfectionist, acknowledge it and start taking steps to address it.

3-Accept that progress is more important than perfect writing

Your work doesn’t have to be perfect, nor does your plan.

As Voltaire put it, “The best is the enemy of the good.”

In terms of writing, the main idea is simply to get started. It may be the hardest work of your life. And you’ll be making mistakes while you do it. But that’s okay.

Content yourself with a crappy first draft. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to make it better later. Keep reminding yourself that you can’t edit a blank page.

4-Set a goal that’s embarrassingly easy

Always start small.

Super small.

Even writing for only five minutes a day can be enough for the first month or two. That way you’ll be able to feel proud and accomplished, and those feelings will buoy you up for your writing the next day, increasing your odds of writing success.

Once you’ve built more effective writing habits for yourself, you can make them more demanding later.

5-Base your goals on output rather than outcome

Never set yourself a goal like, “I’m going to write a New York Times bestseller.” Why? Because this goal is never within your control!

Other similar goals — such as a specific number of views, sales results, or the number of followers you gain — are also outside of your control. Instead, focus on what you can manage and measure.

For example, you can say you’re going to write a first draft for 15 minutes (or 30 or whatever), every day. Or you can say you’re going to write 250 or 500 or 750 words per day. Those are writing goals within your domain.

Consistency is the enemy of perfection, so instead of reaching for the moon, resolve to hit the stars: make your writing consistent.

6-Prepare for your stress to increase, temporarily

Change is stressful for everyone — even positive change.

As a perfectionist, you’ll expect everything to go perfectly, and you’ll become alarmed when it doesn’t.

Give yourself permission to live with a little bit of extra stress during your next writing session, while you adjust.

7-Realize that an increase in stress might lead to an increase in anxiety

If you have an underlying anxiety disorder, a change in your writing habits or your approach to them might cause anxious feelings to re-emerge.

Be prepared to take whatever steps you need — counselling, CBT, meditation — to keep your anxiety in check. You created your habits over a lifetime. Don’t expect that you can overcome perfectionism — or anxiety — overnight.

8-Watch your self-talk

If a voice in your head is making unhelpful comments — like, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well” or “Everything is riding on this” — work to change that toxic script.

Instead, try any of these comments:

• “I’m doing the best I can; no one could do any more.”
• “I’ll have plenty of time to improve the writing later, with careful editing.”
• “My writing skills are improving every day.”

Say these much more helpful comments aloud a couple of times now, just for practice.

9-Experiment with yourself

Test opportunities where you can deliver a piece of writing that is less than perfect.

Start with a low-risk situation, such as a post for your own blog. Instead of aiming to get it “just right,” give yourself a deadline and do the best you can within that time limit.

And in high-risk situations, such as writing a report for your boss, be sure to remind yourself that the world didn’t end the last time you reduced your standards.

10-Ask for help

We can’t do everything on our own, and when we try to, we increase our odds of failing.

If you need help to write, ask family and friends for their support. And if perfectionism is a major issue in your life, seriously consider getting professional help from a counsellor or therapist.

11-Expect those around you to push back

While many people will support the new writing you, some may complain if they feel they’re not getting the attention they’re accustomed to receiving from you.

Remember, they will adjust with time and practice. Don’t give up on the new writing you!

In summary

Becoming a writer is not about talent, as many people believe.

Instead, it’s a job that requires determination, planning and psychological management.

Don’t let perfectionism hold you back.

An earlier version of this post first appeared on my blog on Oct. 11/16.

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My video podcast last week described the best time of day for writing. Go here to see the video or read the transcript, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Need some help developing a better, more sustainable writing or editing routine? Learn about my three-month accountability program called Get It Done. There is turn-over each month, and priority will go to those who have applied first. You can go directly to the application form and you’ll hear from me within 24 hours.

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Have you ever faced writing perfectionism? How do you deal with it? We can all learn from each other, so please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the “comments” section, below. If you comment on today’s post (or any others) by May 31/24, I’ll put you in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To enter, please scroll down to the comments, directly underneath the “related posts” links, below. Note that you don’t have to join Disqus to post. See here to learn how to post as a guest. It’s easy!

Reading time: About 6 minutes

Many people seem to think they need to feel bad in order to write something that’s good. Instead, I suggest evaluating the types of negative thinking that are holding you back….

Do you find writing interesting and pleasant — a time filled with self-discovery? Or is it stressful and unpleasant — sort of like a root canal crossed with doing your income taxes?

I work with many people who associate writing with types of negative thinking. The act of writing makes them feel anxious or frustrated, confused or filled with fear.

What are your common negative thought patterns?

Today I’m going to look at seven of the most common negative thought patterns associated with writing and suggest ways you can deal with them.

My theory? If you can recognize these feelings — as they’re occurring — you can start to take charge of them and lessen their impact.

1-Addressing anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, fear or unease, typically about something with an uncertain outcome. If you feel anxiety about writing you’re likely saying some of the following things to yourself:

• My boss or client is going to hate this piece.
• I could lose my job when my boss/client finds out I can’t write.
• I’m going to look really foolish when this appears in print.

What to notice: Can you see how all of these types of negative thinking reflect on people outside of yourself? You may be the person feeling the emotion but it arises out of your worries and expectations about what others are going to think. Thus, it’s not a concern about the act of writing. It’s a worry about publication. You should also be aware that anxiety is the most common mental health disorder in the world, according to the World Health Organization. More common, even, than depression. Experts say that four people in every one hundred will have an anxiety disorder in their lifetime.

What to do about it: When you write, concentrate on producing your crappy first draft. Repeat after me: “No one else should see this draft.” A crappy first draft is for your eyes only. You can edit it into something better later.

Here are some of the things you can and should say to yourself:

• I don’t feel the same degree of anxiety every time I write. This feeling will eventually pass and I may as well get some writing done while I wait.
• What’s the worst thing that can happen if I write? (Answer: I may have to do some more editing.)
• If I breathe slowly and calmly, that will help make me feel less anxious.
• Many other people also feel anxiety. 

2-Banishing boredom

Being bored means you’re not interested in what you’re working on. If you feel bored with your writing, you’re likely saying some of the following things to yourself:

• I wish I could write about something else; I don’t want to do this again.
• I don’t know how to find a new angle into this story.
• I’m wasting so much time on my research (or: my writing, or my self-editing.)

What to notice: Boredom may occur because you have to produce too many of the same kinds of stories. (When I worked for a forestry company, I had to write at least one safety story each week, sometimes more. I’m not criticizing the idea. Safety is important. But it became hard to find new angles.) Furthermore, some aspect of the work of putting words on paper — whether it’s the research, the self-editing or the writing itself — doesn’t feel comfortable for you, so you tune yourself out.

What to do about it: Instead of thinking of writing as a chore, treat it as a game. What can you do to make it more fun? Here are some ideas:

• When you interview subjects, challenge yourself to extract at least one story from them. Stories, anecdotes and real-life examples make writing inherently more interesting because they are concrete and they usually have some tension built into them.
• Do a mindmap. Mindmapping gives you access to the creative part of your brain, rather than the linear, logical (and dull) part. A mindmap can help you come up with new ideas.
• Use an editing app to make the writing project more fun. I particularly like ProWritingAid and I’m always trying to improve my score.
• Recognize that boredom has benefits. Allowing your mind to wander can help improve your creativity.

3-Examining exhaustion

Exhaustion is a state of extreme physical or mental fatigue. If you’re feeling exhausted you’re likely saying some of the following things to yourself:

• I just don’t have the energy to write.
• I need a nap or at least I should go to bed a lot earlier.
• I’m not enjoying any part of this writing job.

What to notice: Exhaustion arises for two reasons: (1) You may not be getting enough sleep. Many people in North America shortchange themselves, getting only six hours or less of sleep per night when what they really need is seven or more. (2) You may be burned out — and therefore, exhausted — from not having enough variety in your life. All work and no play makes Jack and Jill dreary people.

What to do about it: Analyze why you’re exhausted and take steps to fix it. These steps might include:

• If you have very young children, cut yourself some slack. As the mother of triplets I recognize that sleep is sometimes beyond our control. You can’t be a writing machine if you get only five hours of sleep per night. Lower your writing expectations until your children are older.
• Monitor your TV, Netflix, Facebook and Instagram habits. If you’re regularly spending more than an hour a day on so-called “fun” screen time, put yourself on a digital diet. And get to bed sooner.
• Recalibrate your expectations: Are you demanding too much of yourself? Most professionals write for no more than four hours per day. They may spend the rest of their day doing related work (marketing, interviewing, researching) but they know that pure writing is exhausting. Fifteen minutes per day may be enough for beginners. Even five minutes per day is a good way to start.
• Make sure you have plenty of time for fun: music, movies, coffee dates with friends, exercise, reading novels. Your well needs to be full before you can write.

4-Fingering frustration

Frustration occurs when you don’t have the ability to change or achieve something. If you’re feeling frustrated with your writing you’re likely saying some of the following things to yourself:

• I don’t know how to begin this piece.
• I don’t know what to say next.
• No matter how much time I spend on it, this piece of writing isn’t getting any better.

What to notice: Frustration in the writing stage means you haven’t given yourself enough time for thought. In the editing stage, it means you’re too close to your work.

What to do about it: Before you write, get away from your desk and spend some time thinking about what you want to say. Good ideas almost never occur at a computer — they happen when we’re off doing other stuff: walking, running, cooking, cleaning. Here are some other steps to take:

• After you’ve thought about your writing, do a mindmap. This can help give you a better route into your story or piece.
• Write or edit in small chunks of time: 15 minutes scattered four times throughout the day will be more productive than an hour all at once.
• Be sure to allow your writing to incubate before you start editing. If you don’t have the luxury of a long incubation be sure to take at least an hour-long break before editing and do something radically different (go for lunch, interview someone, proofread something else) before starting.
• Talk to a trusted colleague about your writing challenges. (Make sure they’re the kind of person who’s helpful not hurtful.)

5-Defying doubt

Having doubt means you’re uncertain whether what you’re writing is any good or, perhaps, whether you even have the ability to write. If you feel doubt about writing you’re likely saying some of the following things to yourself:

• I’m never going to be able to do this.
• How did I ever get myself into this situation with my job/book/dissertation?
• I’m such an idiot to have ever attempted this.

What to notice: Closely related to anxiety, doubt is an emotion that all writers feel, even the successful, already-published ones. I swear to God Stephen King, Alice Munro and even the uber-confident Jonathan Franzen feel the cold fingers of doubt wrapping around their hearts from time to time.

What to do about it: Rather than dread doubt, expect it, even welcome it. It’s a sign that you’re a writer. Here’s what to tell yourself about it:

• No writers can ever accurately evaluate their own work. For that, you need another person. Divorce yourself from evaluating,
• Record your achievements and celebrate them: When I’m working on a big project I keep a chart showing how many words I write each day and how many I have left to write.
• Focus on the small job of producing your crappy first draft. Worry about editing and getting published later.
• Know that doubt has its job to do: doubting. You have yours: writing. Let each of you do your own jobs.

6-Calling out confusion

Being confused means being unclear in your own mind about what you want to accomplish. If you feel confused about writing, you’re likely saying some of the following things:

• I don’t know what my boss or client really wants with this piece.
• I don’t understand the information a source has given me.
• I don’t know what my readers most need to know.

What to notice: Can you see how all of these comments reflect gaps in your own knowledge?

What to do about it: Being a writer is a bit like being a parent: You need knowledge to be able to assert your authority. Here’s how you can get it:

• Ask your boss/client to give you more explicit instructions. Better, ask them to give you an example of another piece of writing that they’d like you to emulate. Having a model is exceptionally useful for most writers.
• Be prepared to ask “stupid” questions. You have to truly understand a subject before you can write about it. Don’t worry about how you look; worry, instead about what you don’t understand. Here’s a guide to asking better questions.
• Have a beta reader who can review an early draft (the one beyond your crappy first draft) to ensure it makes sense to them.

7-Diagnosing despair

Despair is the complete absence of hope. If you feel despair about writing, you’re likely saying some of the following things to yourself:

• I’m never going to be any good at writing.
• There’s no point in trying any harder because I just can’t do it.
• My writing is never going to improve.

What to notice: Can you see how all of these comments assume the worst possible outcome? They’re blanket generalizations but I prefer to call them “awfulizations” or “catastrophizations.”

What to do about it: We all feel discouraged from time to time. But if you’ve crossed over into the realm of despair, it’s time to intervene. Here’s how to do it:

• Give yourself a temporary break from writing. If you can take a holiday, great. If you can’t do that then take a mental health day and do something fun. Go to a movie or for a walk in the park. Get your mind off writing.
• Once you’ve had your break, question the veracity of your thoughts: What evidence do you have that you’ll never be good at writing? Is it true that no aspect of your writing has changed in the last 10 years? We often say stuff like this to ourselves, but when we question it, we quickly understand that it’s just not true.
• Celebrate your successes. Make a habit of noting down an achievement you’ve accomplished every day (do it right after brushing your teeth) and review this list from time to time. Save any compliments or laudatory remarks you receive, as well, and review them regularly. We’re all pretty good at criticizing ourselves but we often forget to congratulate ourselves.

Here’s the bottom line about types of negative thinking

Even though you can’t control how you feel, you can manage how you react to those feelings. Instead of trying to ignore them or stuff them deeper inside, force them to identify themselves and let them know that you’re in charge.

This strategy is not about giving yourself negative labels. It’s about improving your self awareness and enhancing your mental health.

If you can keep yourself willing to experience the emotions — instead of fleeing them — you will eventually get through to the other side.

And you’ll have a stack of writing to prove it.

This is a substantially updated version of a post that first appeared on my blog on April 21/15.

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My video podcast last week addressed how to write cover letters. Go here to see the video or read the transcript, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Need some help developing a better writing routine? Learn more about my Get It Done program. There is turn-over each month, and priority will go to those who have applied first. You can go directly to the application form and you’ll hear back from me within 24 hours.

*

What types of negative thinking affect your writing? How do you deal with them? We can all learn from each other so, please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the “comments” section below. Anyone who comments on today’s post (or any others) by Aug. 31/23 will be put in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To enter, please scroll down to the comments, directly underneath the “related posts” links, below. Note that you don’t have to join Disqus to post. See here to learn how to post as a guest. It’s easy!

Reading time: About 4 minutes

Rejections are a challenge. But they are also inevitable, so you’d be wise to learn how to deal with rejection as a writer….

Most of us have had jobs we didn’t get, partners who dumped us, schools we didn’t get into and teachers who didn’t like us. We’ve all had lots of experience with rejection. So, why is it so exquisitely hurtful to be rejected as a writer?

Rejection always feels personal

The major issue is that writing is so personal. We put our thoughts and our feelings onto the page, and suddenly, we’re sharing private parts of ourselves. Then, to have someone say they didn’t like what we wrote feels like a criticism of us as human beings.

Making matters even worse, we learned to write in grade school. To be told we’re not very good at writing takes us back to the state of being young and vulnerable. We experience those feelings all over again.

I know many people who are tough, mature and tenacious, and yet, they are frequently undone by a writing rejection. I’ve produced a video on this topic, but it struck me as important enough to emphasize again today. After all, rejection is part of a writer’s life. You’d better learn how to handle rejection.

Understand, it’s entirely normal to feel like hell after facing rejection. If you want to keep writing, however, it’s equally important to have a strategy for dealing with those feelings. Don’t allow yourself to stop writing.

How to recover from rejection as a writer

First, remind yourself that rejection is never personal. What others think about your writing is always a subjective evaluation. There is no universal standard for quality writing. Instead, the editors (and other “judges” out there) respond to what they read through the lens of their own history, education and preferences.

If you are unlucky enough to have to write for an editor whose tastes don’t match yours, your odds of being rejected are much higher. This does not make you a bad writer or a bad person. It is often a question of luck.

Delay your analysis of the rejection

True, there may be some ways in which you can improve your writing. And, for this reason, you should eventually evaluate the possible merits of a rejection.

But don’t do this analysis right away. Instead, take the time to allow yourself to feel bummed out. We are neither soldiers nor computers. We are allowed to have feelings. In fact, ignoring feelings will be more damaging to our psyches.

This is why you shouldn’t try to be a Susie Sunshine or a Happy Harry about a rejection. You need some time and space to allow yourself to recover before you can achieve greater levels of insight. So, spend a few days wallowing in your anger or despair.

After that, undertake some specific steps to become more comfortable with failure:

Share your feelings with someone you trust

To get over rejection by your supervisor, publishing house, peer reviewer or freelance writing outlet, talk to a trusted colleague. (And try to identify someone at your level — not someone who is already much more successful than you. Not everyone succeeds right away!)

Express your frustration, anger, hurt, or whatever emotions you’re feeling. Getting this stuff off of your chest is an excellent step towards healing.

Remind yourself of other famously rejected people

Here are some statistics that show you to be in very good company.

• J.K. Rowling was rejected 12 times before selling Harry Potter.
• Stephen King was rejected 80 times before selling Carrie.
• Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen were rejected 134 times before selling Chicken Soup for the Soul.
• C. S. Lewis was rejected 800 times before selling The Chronicles of Narnia.
• Margaret Mitchell was rejected 38 times before selling Gone With the Wind.

Do something you enjoy

We all have activities that make us feel better. For example, I like cooking. It makes me feel relaxed and calm. But many writers have other activities that centre and ground them.

You might enjoy playing cards, listening to music, reading a novel (whether literary or trashy) or flipping through a magazine. Or going to a movie, concert or play.

Getting physical exercise — whether yoga, running, lifting weights or walking — is an especially good way of dealing with rejection. A little bit of sweat can help get those negative feelings right out of your system.

Reaffirm your sense of purpose

Ask yourself why you are writing? Is it for money? Or is it because you find writing satisfying and rewarding? Do you have something important to say? All writers write for different reasons.

Try to connect with your underlying, intrinsic motivation so that the extrinsic goals — a publishing contract, a thrilled boss, devoted readers — seem less important.

Always work on more than one writing project

In the book, Origins of Genius: Darwinian Perspectives on Creativity, psychologist Dean Simonton says that “creativity is a probabilistic consequence of productivity”. What he means is that successful people produce more. And they do that by failing.

Consider the inventor of WD-40, whom I’ve written about previously. If you have another project you can resume after a rejection, you’re less likely to feel anxious and upset about the piece of writing that was rejected.

If you’re an academic writer, always have more than one peer-reviewed paper on the go. Sure, one should be on the front burner, but always have another one (or more!) on the back burner. And if you’re a novelist, start your next novel as soon as your first book goes out for submission.

Look for more opportunities to be rejected

American poet Brett Elizabeth Jenkins set out to get 100 rejections in one year. Read about her project, here. The delight of her strategy is that it takes something horrible — rejection — and turns it into a game.

Here’s another interesting bonus: some of her initial rejections turned into acceptances. Overall, she judged the project to be a massive success.

Remember you are your own worst critic

Here’s where the Socratic dictum — know thyself — becomes especially important. Be aware that the urge to edit-on-the-go may become particularly acute after a rejection. You might be tempted to believe that — if you’re careful enough — future editors will have no possible reason for turning you down.

Wrong!

When you are most desperate to succeed, double down and aggressively stop yourself from editing while you write. Write faster and take a break. Then, spend more time editing. More determined editing is the surest way to improve your writing. 

Rejection is just part of the package that goes with being a writer. Just as actors fail at a certain percentage of rejections, writers can’t be published without hearing “no” many times first. Take this as a motivational cue to make yourself strong at being rejected.

This is a substantially updated version of a post that first appeared on my blog on Oct. 2/18.

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My video podcast last week addressed how to make a business case for a book you’re writing. Go here to see the video or read the transcript, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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How do you deal with rejection? We can all learn from each other so, please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the “comments” section, below. Anyone who comments on today’s post (or any others) by July 31/23 will be put in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To enter, please scroll down to the comments, directly underneath the “related posts” links, below. Note that you don’t have to join Disqus to post. See here to learn how to post as a guest. It’s easy!

Viewing time: 3 min. 48 sec.

 The Write Question is a weekly video podcast about writing that I started in 2017 and that ran, more or less weekly, until April 2022. This is a republication of issue #48, about writerly guilty and how it can derail you. The post first ran on March 2/18.

Transcript:

Welcome to The Write Question, I’m Daphne Gray-Grant. Today we’re talking about dealing with writerly guilt.

I’m answering a question from Marie Landry in Montréal, Quebec. Here’s what she asked via email.

I’m failing to stay on track with my writing and I feel as though I’m constantly having to make excuses to myself. It makes me feel bad about writing and it makes me feel bad about me. Do you have any suggestions for how I can deal with this problem?

Thanks for the question, Marie. I want to reassure you that you are not alone in thinking you might be failing. Let me tell you a couple of suggestions that I hope will make you feel better.

First, it’s time to get rid of writerly guilt. Writing is hard work and you don’t need the extra burden of guilt to slow you down. Feeling guilty is like carrying around a 10-pound bag of flour when you don’t need to. Put the sack down and you might have more energy for writing. Interestingly, research has shown that guilt is an ineffective way to control behaviour.

In a 2013 study published in the journal Appetite, psychologists found that people who linked chocolate cake with guilt rather than with celebration had more trouble losing and maintaining weight. Instead of acting as a positive motivating force, guilt actually leads to feelings of helplessness and lack of control.

Second, look at what you’re demanding of yourself and consider that you might have standards that are too high. If you have a fulltime job and you’re also writing ON TOP of that commitment, then keep the writing work small and contained. You shouldn’t be writing more than 30 minutes a day and 15 minutes might be enough.Be aware that in addition to work, responsibilities like raising young children or looking after ageing parents, might also be a challenge. The main thing is to ensure your writing habit is sustainable. We can all do something extraordinary for a short time but if you’re writing a book, you need to be able to manage the task for the long haul. If you’re constantly having to make excuses, then reduce the commitment so you don’t need to make excuses anymore.

Third, don’t always focus on where you’ve failed or what you’ve done wrong. Instead, look for chances to celebrate what you’ve accomplished. Did you write an extraordinarily good paragraph the other day? Celebrate that! Did you do some really good research? Pat yourself on the back!And I don’t mean metaphorically. Give yourself some real rewards. They don’t have to be expensive, or unhealthy! I’d recommend going for a walk, a nice coffee, or an interesting magazine. Find something that gives you pleasure, however small, and tie that to your accomplishment. The ultimate reward for writing a book — being able to hold it in your hands — is a long way off. So, make sure you give yourself plenty of rewards so you can continue to feel cheerful and acknowledged. Happy writers are better and more productive writers. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy.

Finally, while we’re on the subject of writerly guilt, let me wrap up with a fire and brimstone comment from the 17th century English churchman Robert South: “Guilt upon the conscience, like rust upon iron, both defiles and consumes it, gnawing and creeping into it, as that does which at last eats out the very heart and substance of the metal.”

Thanks for your question, Marie. I hope you can put your guilt on hold.  

Links: 

Study in journal Appetite

Reading time: About 3 minutes

Do you understand the difference between self-doubt and idea doubt? It’s a really important distinction for most writers…

I first heard about what’s called “the progression of creativity,” from my son, Duncan.

It goes like this:

1. This is awesome
2. This is tricky
3. This is crap
4. I am crap
5. This might be okay
6. This is awesome

Have you ever encountered such a cycle in your writing? I know I have. In fact, even though I’ve been a professional writer for almost 40 years, I face it just about daily. But over the years I’ve become better about skipping step 4.

Imagine your writing process as crossing a river on foot. Visualize one side of the river bank as the “not having written” side and the other as the “at last, I have a draft in my hand” side. Then, imagine each of the six steps listed above as a large separate stone protruding from the water. You can skip from stone to stone, without getting your feet wet. But don’t you think it’d be better if you could jump from step 3 to step 5, skipping the fourth step — the “I am crap” one — entirely?

You can do that, you know. Writer and speaker Adam Grant, the author of the book Originals and a professor at the Wharton School, gives some interesting insights how in a TED talk.

He argues that we need to turn self-doubt — the “I am crap” part — into idea doubt  —  “this draft is crap.” Here is a list of five steps I suggest you take to do that. (The first step comes from Grant.)

1-Be quick to start but slow to finish: Many procrastinators leave all their work until the very last minute. But if you can persuade yourself to start early (and, then, not criticize yourself for failing to finish early), you’ll be giving yourself plenty of opportunity for the rambling, mind-wandering that our brains require for truly creative work. I’m a big believer in meeting deadlines — my newspaper training turned me into that kind of person. But if I start my writing projects early enough, I seldom feel the crushing sense of urgency that might curtail my creativity. As writer Aaron Sorkin puts it: “You call it procrastinating. I call it thinking.” 

2-Give yourself plenty of incubation time: Understand that you are never the right person for evaluating the quality of your work. You’re way too close to it. But you can do one thing that will help make you a better self-editor: Don’t look at your draft for at least a day (longer, if your deadline will permit.) This incubation time gives you some essential distance to help you understand how readers are likely to respond to your work. And this realization will allow you to make it better for them.

3-Understand that you are not your work: I think we all know that our job is not the same as our lives. But, when it comes to creative work, that line often becomes a little blurry. It’s all too easy to see that article or report we sweated over as part of ourselves. (If not a body part, at least it’s a child.) And, if we get praise for the writing, we may be tempted to think we are more worthy human beings. But our work is separate from ourselves. You would still be a worthwhile person even if you never wrote a useful word again. Your work is an output. It is not you.

4-Question the work rather than yourself: If you can accept that you are not your work, it should be self-evident that what you need to question is the work. You may produce crappy ideas or write crappy words and sentences, (in fact, that’s the entire point of the crappy first draft) but that doesn’t make you a crappy person. Trust that you have the skill to edit what you’ve written and, in doing so, you will make it better.

5-Give yourself plenty of time for editing: Many people who fear they are crappy writers (and, therefore, crappy people) just don’t spend nearly enough time self-editing. If you can manage your own time so that you schedule thinking, planning, writing and incubating, surely you can also plan some time for editing. It’s not as hard as you think if you follow a checklist. Know that few people are born with much writing talent. The people who become effective writers are the ones who work at it.

Don’t make the ‘easy’ jump from “this is crap” to “I am crap.” Instead, steel yourself to make the bigger jump from “this is crap” to “this might be okay.” If you can do that, you’ll make writing infinitely more pleasant for yourself. And this, in turn, will inspire you to do more of it.

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My video podcast last week described how to deal with beta readers. Go here to see the video or read the transcript, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Have you ever been paralyzed by fear of writing? Don’t let this nasty psychological barrier make your life miserable or cost you missed income. I’ve developed a series of 18 videos (with audio and text versions) for just $95 that will help you banish the fear. Plus, you’ll get membership to an online group of others facing the same challenge. Have a look at the program here.

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Need some help developing a better writing routine? Learn more about my Get It Done program. There is turn-over each month, and priority will go to those who have applied first. You can go directly to the application form and you’ll hear back from me within 24 hours.

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Do you fall victim to self-doubt or are you able to parlay it into idea doubt? We can all learn from each other so, please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the “comments” section below.  Anyone who comments on today’s post (or any others) by Aug. 31/22 will be put in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To enter, please scroll down to the comments, directly underneath the “related posts” links, below. Note that you don’t have to join Disqus to post. See here to learn how to post as a guest.

An earlier version of this post first appeared on my blog on June 6/17.

Reading time: About 4 minutes

If you have difficulty writing, consider using the tool of CBT — Cognitive Behavioural Therapy — to help give yourself a boost. It’s easy and inexpensive and you can do it yourself…

Are you familiar with CBT? If you’re not, I apologize for using the jargon-y abbreviation but it stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

CBT is a type of psychotherapeutic treatment that psychologists use to treat a wide range of disorders including anxiety, depression, phobias, addictions and insomnia. It is often more successful than drugs and, even better, has never been turned into a multi-million-dollar industry because the principles of the treatment are so widely available. Developed by Dr. Aaron Beck in the 1960s, while he was a psychiatrist at the University of Pennsylvania, CBT is even something you can do for yourself.

I have a contract with a university-based group that has conducted lots of research showing the clear benefits of CBT, and while doing my reading on the subject, I thought, hey, this could help many struggling writers, too. I bought myself a copy of one of the most highly recommended workbooks on the topic, Mind Over Mood, and combed through the text looking for ways to help writers. Here is what I found:

CBT is based on the idea that we all have “automatic thoughts,” and many of them are negative. For writers, this may include such thoughts as:

• I’m a terrible, horrible writer who has no talent
• This writing project is way too big and overwhelming for me
• No one is ever going to want to read a word of what I’ve written

If we learn to identify and evaluate these automatic thoughts, however, we can start thinking more realistically — and more productively. The key message from CBT? Our thoughts affect our behaviours. And if we want to change our behaviours, we need to change our thoughts.

CBT is not a type of positive thinking. Instead, it focuses on challenging your negative thoughts and making a rational plan for how to face them. So, for example, if you feel unable to write because the project feels too big and overwhelming for you, you learn to divide the project into smaller, more manageable steps. Or you learn to review articles you’ve successfully written in the past, to buoy your spirits.

If you want to use CBT to help yourself, begin by starting what’s called a “Thought Record.” Here’s an overview of how that works:

1. Describe your situation. Here are some examples:

• I was reading Facebook when I should have been working on the XYZ article, which is due tomorrow
• I was editing my latest chapter
• I was doing research for my next book

2. Identify your mood. Notice that many writers steer away from this task, perhaps because they think it’s irrelevant. It is not. If you don’t know your mood, you can’t work on changing it. Here is a list of moods. While this list isn’t complete, it’s a good starting point: depressed, sad, insecure, nervous, enraged, grieving, anxious, embarrassed, proud, disgusted, scared, eager, angry, excited, mad, hurt, happy, afraid, guilty, frightened, panicked, cheerful, loving, content, ashamed, irritated, frustrated, disappointed, humiliated, grateful. If you’re struggling with your writing, I think it’s highly likely the mood you may be feeling will be frustration, shame, fear or disappointment. But don’t let me put words in your mouth! Identify your feelings and then attach a percentage to them, showing how much this feeling is affecting you.

3. Find your automatic thoughts. What thoughts were going through your mind before you started feeling this way? Note that “thoughts” can include beliefs, images and memories. One of the key purposes of CBT is to bring automatic thoughts into awareness. If you have difficulty doing this, here are some questions you can ask yourself:

• What does this mood mean about me?
• What am I afraid might happen?
• What is the worst thing that could happen?
• What does this mean about how other people feel about me?
• Did I break rules, hurt others or not do something I should have done?

Once you have a list of automatic thoughts, then circle the one that is “hottest.” In other words, which thought caused the biggest reaction in you? It might have made you breathe more quickly or feel flushed or even embarrassed. Its “heat” indicates how important it is for you.

4. Note the evidence that supports this “hot” thought. Column 4 will likely be the easiest column for you to fill out. If the thought is “hot” enough, you’ll likely be spilling over with reasons for its truth. For example, let’s imagine your hot thought is that you have no talent for writing. Here is some of the evidence you might cite:

• My boss has never said a kind word about anything I’ve written
• I got a bad mark in English 12
• A colleague made an unkind remark about one of my stories 

5. Note the evidence that does NOT support this thought. And this may well be the hardest column to complete. But give it a go, anyway. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help:

• If my best friend told me they had this thought, what would I tell them?
• Are there any strengths of qualities I have that I am ignoring?
• Are there any positives in this situation that I am ignoring?
• Have I been in this situation before and, if so, what happened?
• When I felt this way in the past, what did I think about that made me feel better?
• Five years from now, if I look back at this situation, will I see it differently?
• Am I blaming myself for something over which I do not have complete control? 

6. Write an alternative or more balanced thought. Then attach a percentage to it, showing how strongly you believe it. After examining the evidence for and the evidence against your hot thought, try to develop a more balanced thought that still strikes you as truthful. For example, if your hot thought was “I have no talent for writing,” your more balanced thought might be any of the following:

• I can improve the quality of my work with diligent self-editing
• Not everything I write is terrible
• With advice from [insert name], I can make my writing a whole lot better

7. Rate your moods now. Take the mood(s) you identified in column 2, and re-rate them now, after you’ve finished this analysis. If your alternative or balanced thoughts are linked to real experiences you’ve had, you’re more likely to have achieved an improved mood.

To learn more about CBT, whether for writing or other aspects of your life, I suggest you look at a copy of Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky.

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My video podcast last week discussed how to be a good interview subject. Go here to see the video or read the transcript, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Need some help developing a better writing routine? Thursday, Aug. 25 is the deadline for applications for September entry to my Get It Done program. Priority goes to those who have applied first. Fill out the the application form and you’ll hear back from me within 24 hours.

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Have you ever been paralyzed by fear of writing? Don’t let this nasty psychological barrier make your life miserable or cost you missed income. I’ve developed a series of 18 videos (with audio and text versions) for just $95 that will help you banish the fear. Plus, you’ll get membership to an online group of others facing the same challenge. Have a look at the program here.

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How do you deal with your moods while writing?  We can all learn from each other so, please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the “comments” section below.  Anyone who comments on today’s post (or any others) by Aug. 31/22 will be put in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To enter, please scroll down to the comments, directly underneath the “related posts” links, below. Note that you don’t have to join Disqus to post. See here to learn how to post as a guest.

An earlier version of this post first appeared on my blog on May 16/17.

Reading time: About 3 minutes

Some writers worry about or are embarrassed by their spelling. Today I tell you why this is an unnecessary concern and when you should ignore spelling…

I try to read about 80 blogs a week. Most of them are related to writing, productivity or creativity and these missives inspire me, inform me and, occasionally, enrage me. One that fell into that last category was headlined, “15 Essential Tips For Becoming a Better Writer.” Unable to ignore a come-on as compelling as that, I clicked immediately.

What a disappointment! If I’d hoped for any new ideas, I was misguided. The tips consisted of such painfully obvious suggestions as “read a lot,” “research a lot,” and, “make writing simple.” Really? Does the writer really think any of those tips will help?

But there was also a tip that infuriated me. Here is how the author phrased it:

Perfect Grammar and Spelling

Grammar and spelling is very important when you write something. The writer should be fluent and expert in grammar and spelling. So, make sure to brush up on the fundamental theories and standards of writing, grammar and spelling.

There are so many points wrong with this suggestion that I scarcely know where to begin. But let me try:

1-The “fundamental theories and standards” of grammar and spelling are a life’s work. They are scarcely something you can just “brush up” on. The blogger makes this fluency sound no more daunting than reviewing a short list of irregular verbs. But, in fact, people who are good at grammar and spelling have worked hard at it, probably have some natural ability with it and were usually blessed with parents who were able to reinforce these skills when their children were young. This usually excludes anyone who was born of parents who spoke English as a second language or anyone born in poverty where parents understood that putting meals on the table and paying rent was more important than grammar or spelling.

2-Too much focus on the mechanics of spelling (and grammar) puts the focus on the least important part of the exercise: the package in which the ideas are wrapped. In fact, writing should be judged on whether it expresses interesting, provocative or creative ideas. I would rather read a stimulating post with appalling spelling than a boring post spelled to perfection. No contest. Writing is about communicating. If you don’t have something useful to say then the perfection of the delivery is irrelevant.

3-Many great writers over the years have been abysmal spellers. Here is a partial list: William Faulkner. F. Scott Fitzgerald. Ernest Hemingway. John Keats. John Irving. Jane Austen. Winston Churchill. Agatha Christie. W.B. Yeats. Benjamin Franklin. This does not make them bad writers. It simply makes them bad spellers. You can read more about these writers’ spelling problems here.

4-Copy editors (paid or volunteer) can fix spelling and grammar. Note that I’m not suggesting published work should be filled with errors. Far from it. But copy editors are professionals who fix these mistakes. And if you can’t afford one, there are many “natural” copy editors in our midst (I find many smart admin assistants are often excellent copy editors). Moms and dads will also usually work at no charge. As well, you can use the no-cost version of services such as Spellcheck or ProWriting Aid.

5-The author of the blog post made an error in his own point about the importance of grammar and spelling. He wrote, “Grammar and spelling is very important,” when he should have written, “Grammar and spelling ARE very important.” I don’t want to make fun of him, which would be unkind, but it’s hard to overlook the irony of a mistake in this very short paragraph.

I am passionate about the unimportance of spelling to writers, in part, because my adult son is dyslexic even though he is incredibly articulate and smart. Experts tell us that some five to 10 percent of our population is dyslexic. So, when reader Russ Skinner sent me a link to a post from the blog Cult of Pedagogy, I read it and smiled. Headlined “Why is my kid allowed to make spelling mistakes?” the post addresses why teachers will sometimes “ignore” spelling. I liked this post, in part, because it made so many effective arguments about why writers should delay editing their own work. Here is what the blog’s author Jennifer Gonzalez had to say:

“Too much focus on correctness interrupts the flow of ideas. Furthermore, teachers want students to understand that good writers revise their pieces many times for structure, development, clarity and voice. Although the mechanics are important for polish, correct spelling can’t make up for a poorly structured, underdeveloped piece of writing. And if a piece is going to be revised several times, it makes no sense to keep correcting the mechanics, only to have those words dumped entirely in a later revision.”

I also like the metaphor she used to wrap up her argument:

“Producing a finished piece of writing is a lot like putting on a polished musical performance: It requires the synthesis of many skills, some of which need to be handled separately. Imagine if a band conductor brought a brand-new piece of music to her band and expected all sections to play it together, perfectly, the first time. Even someone with no musical training can see that this is an unreasonable approach. Instead, if each instrument section starts by practicing their part separately, the performers will get really solid on their individual parts before pulling it all together to refine the complete performance.”

My conclusion? Don’t worry about your spelling until you sort out your ideas, first. And if you have a disability that makes spelling impossible for you, then assign the job to someone else.

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My video podcast last week discussed how to write memoir. Go here to see the video or read the transcript, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Have you ever been paralyzed by fear of writing? Don’t let this nasty psychological barrier make your life miserable or cost you missed income. I’ve developed a series of 18 videos (with audio and text versions) for just $95 that will help you banish the fear. Plus, you’ll get membership to an online group of others facing the same challenge. Have a look at the program here.

*

Need some help developing a better writing routine? Learn more about my Get It Done program. There is turn-over each month, and priority will go to those who have applied first. You can go directly to the application form and you’ll hear back from me within 24 hours.

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Are you a natural speller or do you struggle with the task? We can all learn from each other so, please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the “comments” section below.  Anyone who comments on today’s post (or any others) by July 31/22 will be put in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To enter, please scroll down to the comments, directly underneath the “related posts” links, below. Note that you don’t have to join Disqus to post.  See here to learn how to post as a guest.

An earlier version of this post first appeared on my blog on June 13/17.

Reading time: About 3 minutes 

Has it ever occurred to you to plan for the worst while hoping for the best? This is precisely why preparing for imperfection is such an integral part of the writing process.

If I had a dollar for every person who told me they couldn’t write because they were a “perfectionist,” well, I wouldn’t need to write this column because I could afford to sit on a beach in the Caribbean and sip Mai Tais right now.

The bigger issue for people who don’t write is that they usually have poor impulse control. This means that they can’t stop themselves from checking email or Facebook — or worse, going out for coffee or beer with friends — when they ought to be writing. I learned this nugget during an interview with Piers Steel, the author of the terrific book The Procrastination Equation.

But there is one way in which being a perfectionist can really undo you and that’s by making you feel surprised when things go wrong. Perfectionists usually imagine there is just one thing they need to do in order to finish a task. For the sake of argument, let’s say they decide they need to muster the determination to spend five hours writing a report. Spend those five hours, they figure, and they’ll finish the report and their supervisor will be super impressed.

And what do you imagine happens next?

First, of course they’re going to have difficulty finding the five hours. We’re all busy people and we have many demands on our attention. Can you remember the last time you had five entire hours that were unspoken for? (I’m guessing the answer is no.) So, this is where the perfectionist — let’s call him or her Morgan — first goes wrong. Morgan doesn’t think to break the task into smaller, more manageable portions.

But let’s be wildly optimistic and assume Morgan does find the five hours. The next problem — which crops up immediately — is that Morgan doesn’t feel inspired. Sitting at a desk in front of a computer seems dull and boring and Morgan immediately starts to feel “hemmed in.” Morgan expects that writing is a creative activity and needs to feel inspired. (Morgan is unfamiliar with the Peter de Vries quote: “I write when I’m inspired, and I see to it that I’m inspired at nine o’clock every morning.”)

But let’s renew our optimism and imagine that Morgan experiences a minor miracle and manages to break through the first 15 minutes and is able to start putting words on the screen. In fact, things even go reasonably well for the first 30 minutes but then, oh no, Morgan hits a road block. This writing business is much harder work than he or she had imagined. Morgan looks at the clock. There are 4.5 more hours to go. Yikes! That’s going to be intolerable.

Now let’s put our optimism on life support and imagine that, somehow, Morgan manages to persist for the five hours and produces a crappy first draft. He or she reads it and becomes totally deflated because the writing is not nearly as good as expected or hoped. “I really can’t write,” Morgan concludes. “I shouldn’t have wasted those five hours on this dreck.”

Morgan’s mistake, however, was not being a bad writer. The error was failing to make a plan for all the things that can — and often will — go wrong. If you are a perfectionist who feels there’s just one thing you need to do to be able to write (usually, have enough time), take the time to prepare for the following obstacles:

• The lure of procrastination: When you get an assignment, begin it right away, at the very least by making a plan that will allow you to do a little bit of work daily, over a longer stretch of time. Working 20 minutes a day over 15 days is vastly more effective (and less dispiriting and exhausting) than working for five hours straight, even though the time investment is exactly the same.
• The feeling of being overwhelmed that comes with any big job: Always break big (or medium-sized) jobs into smaller ones. I finished this post you’re reading now in five parts: 1) I thought of the idea a month ago, (2) I wrote a rough draft last Thursday (3) I had a friend read it last Friday morning, (4) I edited it Friday afternoon, (5) I found a photo and posted it to my blog yesterday.
• The need for rewards: People often tell me this idea seems silly or too self-indulgent. But it’s not! If your boss offered you a raise (or even theatre tickets or a dinner at a nice restaurant) would you turn it down? Of course not! But bosses don’t do any of these things very often so it’s important for you to reward yourself. The reward doesn’t have to be expensive (or unhealthy.) Consider lattes, specialty teas, magazines, a nice lunch out or even time on Facebook or Twitter. I’ve been writing this blog for 16 years now so I no longer need to reward myself for it. But I did when I started. And I still do whenever I take on a job that’s new or in any way daunting.

Finally, recognize that a crappy first draft — really crappy — should not discourage you; it should make you happy. In fact, you should ASPIRE to having a crappy first draft, because it is proof you were able to write without editing. (We all need editing, of course, but the best time to do it is after writing, after you’ve taken a break.)

None of us is perfect, particularly not me. That’s why I always plan for disaster. And if disaster doesn’t occur, I can enjoy being very pleasantly surprised.

An earlier version of this post first appeared on my blog on March 7/17.

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Have you ever been paralyzed by fear of writing? Don’t let this nasty psychological barrier make your life miserable or cost you missed income. I’ve developed a series of 18 videos (with audio and text versions) for just $95 that will help you banish the fear. Plus, you’ll get membership to an online group of others facing the same challenge. Have a look at the program here.

*

Need some help developing a better writing routine? Learn more about my Get It Done program. There is turn-over each month, and priority will go to those who have applied first. You can go directly to the application form and you’ll hear back from me within 24 hours.

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How do you plan for disaster when you’re writing? We can all learn from each other so, please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the “comments” section, below. And congratulations to Susannah, the winner of this month’s book prize, for a comment on my blog post about mistakes.  (Please send me your email address, Susannah.) Anyone who comments on today’s post (or any others) by June 30/22 will be put in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To enter, please scroll down to the comments, directly underneath the “related posts” links, below. Note that you don’t have to join Disqus to post. See here to learn how to post as a guest. It’s easy!

Viewing time: 4 minutes and 5 seconds

The Write Question is a weekly video podcast about writing that I started in 2017 and that ran, more or less weekly, until April 2022. This is a republication of the fourth issue, on lack of confidence, which ran on Feb. 10/17.

Transcript

Welcome to The Write Question, the video-podcast designed to answer your questions about writing. I’m Daphne Gray-Grant.

Today I have a question from Rita Montgomery of Toronto, Ontario. She’s an editor and a successful writer who’s suddenly become crippled with a lack of confidence. Let’s listen to what she has to say:

[recording] “Even though I’ve won an award for my investigative writing and I’ve worked as a magazine editor for six years, something has overtaken my thought process and I’m blinded by a profound distrust in my writing ability.  I’m at the point I feel like I want to quit. It’s currently taking me a tortuous ten hours to produce what should take me one hour. What can I do?”  

Thanks for being brave enough to ask the question, Rita. I have some thoughts for you.

First, let me ask if you’re trying to edit WHILE you write? Your comment about taking 10 hours to write something makes me think that you are. People who edit WHILE they write will put one sentence into words and then start editing it IMMEDIATELY. Then, they’ll write the second sentence and start editing the first one all over again. This is a painful and HORRIBLE way to write. I know, because I used to write this way, too. When I finally quit editing while I wrote, I more than doubled my writing speed. I have some tricks for beating this habit, and I’ll include a link in the description.

I’m also wondering whether you’ve ever tried meditation? Some people might think this sounds flakey but, trust me, it’s not. Lots of scientific research shows there are huge benefits to meditating. I’m convinced you already KNOW how to write. Your problem is your self-confidence. Meditation can help restore it. You can start with just five or 10 minutes per day and increase your time as you feel more comfortable with it. Just sit or lie on the floor and close your eyes, then focus on your breathing. Each time your mind starts to drift — and it will — gently bring it back to your breath. I’m including a link to a post I’ve written on meditation — as well as a link to Dan Harris’s site. I really liked his book on meditation.

The last thing I’d like you to ask yourself is whether your well is full enough? Now, I’m not talking about a real live well, here. I’m talking about a metaphorical one. This is the place where you store your memories of the FUN things you’ve done. Are you seeing enough movies? Meeting enough friends for coffee or beer? Listening to enough music? These aren’t niceties! They’re essential fuel for any writer. If you don’t enrich your life by getting enough exposure to whatever inspires you — something other than work — you aren’t going to be able to write. If you need to, schedule some time for these activities. And maybe start thinking about your next vacation, too.

The late American writer Maya Angelou said, “Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.”

Thanks for your question, Rita. Good luck with your writing. 

Thanks so much for watching. If YOU have a question for me, you can email, tweet, or skype me, details in the description along with any resources I’ve mentioned in the video. And don’t forget to subscribe and like the video.

Links:

How to stop editing WHILE you write

Meditation for writers

Dan Harris’s website