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Sure, we all want to be winners, but do you understand why losing is never really losing?

By Ann Gomez

Whether or not you’re a basketball fan, it’s worth paying close attention to how Giannis Antetokounmpo of the Milwaukee Bucks answered a question about failure after his team was eliminated from the NBA playoffs in 2023.

Sports experts favoured Milwaukee to win against Miami in the first round of the playoffs, and they led by 16 points in the 4th quarter of Game 5 — but they lost in overtime.

In the post-game news conference, reporters ask Antetokounmpo: Was this season a failure?

His outstanding response is worth sharing with sports fans of all ages — and anyone, at any age and stage, who has strived to achieve a goal and fallen short.

“Every year, you work toward something, a goal,” he said. “It’s not a failure. It’s steps to success. Michael Jordan played 15 years and won six championships. Were the other nine years a failure? There’s no failure in sports. There are good days and bad days. Some days you are successful. Some days it’s your turn. Some days it’s not your turn. You don’t always win. And this year, somebody else is going to win. Simple as that. It’s all steps to success.”

In delivering his response, Antetokounmpo displays the opposite effect of “gain framing”, which shows the pain of a loss is often more psychologically powerful than a gain of the same intensity. “In real life” gain framing is best shown by the silver medalist who is less happy than a bronze medalist. When the stakes of a loss are higher than those of gains, we become very sensitive to a loss. The bronze medalist is happy to be on the podium, while the silver medalist laments their loss and feels it more deeply.

Back on the basketball court, when faced with the dreary question about his team’s loss, Antetokounmpo instead reframes the loss as an opportunity to learn and grow.

And that is a champion’s mindset. We win — or we gain valuable experience — and we learn how to do better next time.

Learning is an iterative process and often messy in the beginning. We’ll stumble and make mistakes along the way, but any action we take toward a goal gives us the gift of hindsight we didn’t have before.

This does not mean we should adopt a laissez-faire approach to our work and life. Of course, we don’t set out to make mistakes. We always have positive intentions. We put forth a tremendous effort, follow the process and check all the details.

But when things don’t go our way, we don’t waste valuable energy regretting the past.

Regret is a costly energy expenditure. It leads to chronic stress, negatively affecting our hormonal and immune system function. When we dwell on life’s disappointments, we are effectively extending the long-term impact of these setbacks.

Rick Newman, author of Rebounders, views setbacks as opportunities to create a breakthrough moment in our lives. Like Antetokounmpo, Newman says: “Setbacks can be a secret weapon. They often teach vital things you’ll never learn in school, on the job or from others.”

Every time we step into the unknown, we risk stumbling. But the people who thrive recognize our stumbles don’t take us back to square one.

After a setback we gain invaluable experience, resources, skills, and insight we need to face our next challenge.

You may not see it right away, but it’s likely what you perceive as a failure today is a step toward a winning future. And tomorrow it will be your turn.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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This is the final column in the Productive Writer series by Ann Gomez. Our thanks to Ann for taking the time to share her profound insights over the last 40 weeks. Stay tuned for next Wednesday, when we’ll be launching a new column featuring interviews with people of interest to writers. Our first guest? Ann Gomez!

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If you want to make your writing easier, make sure to build some laughter into your day…

By Ann Gomez

Earlier this week, I was feeling stressed and distracted, so I took a walk to refocus. I found myself at a friend’s house and before I knew it, we had our feet in her pool, and we were laughing hysterically. Now, I can’t even remember what was so funny – but it doesn’t matter. Within a few minutes, I was feeling great again.

We’ve all heard the colloquial advice laughter is the best medicine. But did you know there is scientific evidence to back this up?

A Mayo Clinic study found laughter not only lightens our load mentally, it also induces physical changes in our bodies. When we laugh, we are taking in more oxygen-rich air, and this stimulates our heart, lungs, and our muscles and boosts our immune system. Laughter also lowers our blood pressure, releases natural painkillers in the body, soothes tension, and reduces the physical symptoms of stress.

No wonder our mood improves with some comic relief.

Smiling has similar effects. When we smile, the reward center of our brain is activated. This releases endorphins and makes us feel better. And it’s infectious! We can’t help but react with a smile of our own when we see someone smiling.

“Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you.”

Research also shows us how humour fosters a more resilient workplace culture. Leaders who use humour are more approachable and are likely to find their employees are more motivated, as a result.

But laughter is not only for leaders. Shared laughter, like the good laugh I had with my friend, releases oxytocin, which helps facilitate social bonding and increased trust. This makes humour a “gateway drug to broader aspects of authenticity and vulnerability,” says Stanford lecturer, Naomi Bagdonas. Bagdonas is a member of the teaching team for “Humour: Serious Business” a Graduate School of Business course at Stanford. The course focuses on using humour to create a culture of levity within teams and organizations.

We know the power of reframing and its positive effect on our mindset. It makes sense for us to use humour and reap the benefits of laughter’s physical effects. So go on, have a laugh. The joke’s on us.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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If you’re planning a vacation, strike the delicate balance between letting go of some routines and depending on others….

By Ann Gomez

Where I live, summer is on the horizon and many of us are now thinking about vacation plans. And as much as I welcome the reprieve of a more relaxed calendar with fewer commitments, I find this is when my schedules —at work and home — can go a bit off the rails.

At times like this, it becomes even more important to lean into our routines.

There are many benefits to building and keeping a routine. Our routines keep us grounded. We all know what we have to do – and our long lists can be overwhelming.

Routines reduce decision fatigue and help us plan when we’ll be able to tackle certain tasks. Routines diminish our stress and ensure we make every minute count by blocking time for our top priorities, as well as recovery time, including breaks and vacations.

Yet, as much as I believe in the power of routine, I’ve been known to toss aside my routine entirely on weekends and vacations or staycations. And although routines are easily picked up again by design, there are compelling reasons to pack up your routine (or at least some of it) when you go on vacation.

Laura Vanderkam, author of the book What the Most Successful People Do says we should use weekends (and likewise, vacations) as the recharge we need to succeed. “You need to hit Monday ready to go,” she says. “To do that, you need weekends that rejuvenate you, rather than exhaust or disappoint you.”

Returning to work exhausted after a break makes the break itself useless. On that note, here’s how I plan to pack some key elements of my routine into my own summer vacation.

1. Stick to a sleep routine including a regular bedtime and avoid blue light before bed. This will ensure I’ll return well rested, motivated, and rejuvenated. This is important to help our kids settle back in and feel their best, too.
2. Make time for some form of daily exercise, whether it’s a hike, a bike ride, a game of tennis, or a refreshing nature walk, instead of hitting the gym.
3. Eat well and at regular intervals to help fuel my body and mind, so I return with a fresh and creative perspective, ready to tackle exciting new projects and take on challenges.

There will always be exceptions to our daily routine, whether at home or away. And there should be! We need to make space in life to explore new things and simply be spontaneous. This is not a science and life is full of curveballs, after all. But when we attempt to build and stick to a daily routine most of the time, we are better equipped to use our time wisely, so we can do our best work and live our best life.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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Does your smartphone run your life? You might be the perfect candidate for a digital detox…

By Ann Gomez

Do you ever wish you had your own “off” button so you could power down and recharge like your phone?

With our phones at our fingertips, we have a digital tether that is hard to sever. Even during downtime, we’re always once click away from access to anything online. But just because we can stay connected doesn’t mean we should.

If this constant connection absorbs more of your time than you’d like, consider a digital detox.

In her book, 24/6: The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week, Tiffany Shlain cites many compelling benefits to turning off screens from the perspective of  neuroscience, philosophy, psychology and even history. Drawn from the ancient ritual of Shabbat, one day of disconnection can nourish our minds, and help us stay focused, present, and less distracted when we eventually return to our screens.

But is this realistic? I use my phone actively in both my work and personal life. On weekends, I’m coordinating carpools and using Google Maps, listening to podcasts, checking my calendar, and staying in touch with friends and family. I even use my phone for meditating: I’m a big fan of the Headspace app.

Flat out abstinence feels unattainable. But I can wrap my head around a routine I like to call my “phone detox” on evenings and weekends. I chose non-business hours because this is when I find technology detracts more than enhances in my life.

I don’t do this every evening and weekend, but whenever I find my distraction and stress levels high, I return to it. Like many routines, it’s not a science. But we can always return to a routine when we need to.

Here is what my detox looks like:

1. Park my phone: I put my phone in its charging station from 6p.m. until 6a.m. I will still use my phone occasionally (see #3, below), but I know parking it will help me stop using it so much.
2. No more email: I won’t check email on my phone during this time. (Of course, I avoid following this routine during peak periods at work when I’m expecting to respond to inquiries from clients and colleagues). If I feel compelled to check email during the evening, I’ll power up my laptop. And, as a bonus, I find it much easier to apply the One-Touch principle when I’m on my laptop.
3. Limit use: I will continue to text, make calls, snap pictures, and use other core apps, but I will limit any indulgent phone use (like social media), at home and when I’m out and about. I find it helps to move all non-essential apps to another screen to prevent unconscious clicking. I want to pause and consider whether I’m clicking on an app out of dire urgency or simply out of curiosity.

Of course, if there is an urgent situation, I will bypass these rules.

Disconnecting is tough to do, but well worth the effort. This type of break is restorative and refreshing and, rather than mindlessly consume information, we are far more likely to create and innovate.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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If you let yourself get stressed out regularly, learn how to respond instead of react, to give yourself greater peace of mind…

By Ann Gomez

The next time you’re stuck in traffic, hands tensely wrapped around the steering wheel, stress levels rising, desperate to get where you’re going (and going nowhere fast), think of this strategy shared by Google CEO, Sundar Pichai,

“More than the problem,” he says, “is my reaction to the problem that creates chaos.”

Often, our reaction to a wrench in our day, like a traffic jam, can be more incendiary than the actual, or perceived, situation.

Knowing how to respond to a need rather than react to a trigger is the first step to navigating any sort of challenge we encounter, whether it’s a tough conversation or a traumatic event.

This fact is why we rely on the “Emergency Response Teams” and “first responders” — not “Emergency Reaction Teams.”

While on the surface, the words, respond and react, appear similar, there is an important distinction between them.

When we react, we are not typically modeling the best version of ourselves because reacting is a defense mechanism.

A reaction is emotional, instinctual, and not tied to reason. How we react to something may not always align with our values. A reaction is often driven by fear and even bias.

The more we react, the less empowered we are because we are giving away our power to other people or the situation at hand. Think of you how you may feel at your children’s sporting events and how easily others can draw you into a “blame the refs!” mentality.

Responding, on the other hand, is driven by conscious thought and based on our core values. When we respond instead of react, we tap into our self-awareness and emotional intelligence to consider the long-term effects of what we say and do.

Consider the words of Google CEO Sunda Pichai: “Reactions are always instinctive, whereas responses are always well thought of…to save a situation from going out of hand, to avoid cracks in a relationship, to avoid making decisions in anger, anxiety, stress, or hurry. This is a beautiful way to understand life. See the need and respond to the need.”

Granted, this type of measured response can be a challenge when we are,”in the moment.”

Here are three ways we can help ourselves respond the next time circumstances tempt us to react.

1-Notice

We all have “buttons” and it’s important to know our own triggers, so we can recognize when they are about to throw us off our game. Is it someone questioning your process for doing a task, or undermining your authority in a certain situation? Know what triggers you, so you have a built-in awareness and are ready to acknowledge the shift in mindset telling you trouble (whether real or perceived) is imminent.

2-Pause

We already know our brains can’t handle multitasking. So, it becomes all too easy for our brains to react, rather than respond, when we become singularly focused on a trigger. Instead of letting your temper flare and reacting immediately, take a four-second pause to see the outcome you want to get to. This will help you naturally respond to the need at hand, rather than the trigger itself.

3-Choose

Ultimately, you are responsible for your choices. And you can choose your responses too. Think of “responsibility” as “response-ability’. This differentiates us from animals who must react to life-or-death situations. Recognize you can convert threats into challenges and respond accordingly.

When we respond instead of react we enrich our relationships and experiences. This won’t help you avoid those traffic jams, but it may help you feel better the next time you find yourself going nowhere fast.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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Have you how learned to get and stay organized? It’s not as difficult as you might think….

By Ann Gomez

Many people struggle to stay organized because they treat it as a one-off strategy. We’re eager to unpack after moving into a new home or office, spring clean the basement, or digitize those old photos. But then life gets busy, the paper piles up, and those trendy storage containers you selected that were just right for this fun project remain empty.

Our efforts seem in vain. But if you want organization to work for you, it’s important to make time for organization.

Like anything worthwhile, unless it becomes a habit, it simply won’t happen.

When you make organization a part of your routine, you protect time for it, just as you do with any of your core priorities, meetings, and projects.

Here are four strategies you can use to get organized – and stick to it.

1. Set aside time every day or week to clean up your digital and physical space. You can set a reminder and block off the last 10 minutes at the end of each day, or you can set aside time on Friday afternoons to focus on organization. Use this time to clean off your computer desktop, your Downloads folder and delete what has accumulated in the Recycle Bin folder.
2. Tidy your inbox to archive, delete or move emails into specific folders (and of course, you are already doing this as an Email Warrior). A clear inbox leads to better focus, clear decision-making, less time wasted – and more time for the things you love to do. And staying organized offers the same benefits!
3. Take a walk through your workspace or home to declutter and gather any loose items lying around. Things get lost when they don’t have a home. Actively purge, digitize, and organize the information and tools you use with a place for everything and everything in its place. Use the one-touch principle just as you would in your inbox, and make it a point to put away the laundry when it comes out of the dryer and tidy any paperwork as it comes in. Store items using clear bins and labels, file what needs to be filed, and/or scan what you need using a tool like Evernote.
4. Go paperless. Your time is too valuable to spend it searching for information. And if others need access to the same information you are storing, they won’t be able to find it on your desk.

Staying organized is truly a valuable investment of your time. After all, the goal is to spend your time doing your best work, not looking for it. I hope this inspires you to make the best use of your digital and physical workspace to do your best work and achieve amazing results.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month, an important initiative to reduce the stigma surrounding mental health issues and raise awareness about the role mental health plays in our overall health and wellbeing.

By Ann Gomez

Have you heard the story of the happiness balloons? It’s a tale that made the rounds on social media years ago, and like much of what we consume on social media, its veracity has been called into question, but it still conveys an excellent lesson.

The story is about an unknown teacher who brought balloons to school and told her students to blow them up and write their name on one. The students then placed the balloons into the hall and their teacher mixed the balloons up and gave the children a few minutes to find the one balloon with their name on it. A frantic search ensued and when the time was up, the children all had trouble finding their own balloon.

The teacher then had the students find any balloon and give it to the person whose name was on it. In less than two minutes, everyone was holding their own balloon.

The teacher tells the children to think of the balloons like happiness. “You won’t find it when you’re only searching for your own.” But when you demonstrate care and compassion for others, it ultimately helps you feel better.

You can see how, even if it is a fabrication, this anecdote nicely captures the message that when we are part of a strong network of friends, family, and colleagues, there is no limit to what we can achieve. A strong network can challenge us, champion us, collaborate with us – and empathize with us.

And we are equally capable – and compelled – to do the same for our network.

When we bring our best to those around us, our positive energy strengthens their own experience, whether at work, home, or in line to grab a coffee. (In this column on how to combat loneliness, I describe how even quick connections with anyone from a neighbour or a total stranger can be incredibly uplifting).

What kind of energy are you bringing to your day-to-day interactions?

Here are two simple ways you can bring your best to every situation.

1-Be aware

We all face challenges others may not be aware of. And the challenges we face are all relative. What boosts my stress level will not be the same as what may trigger your stress response. Being aware of how these challenges are affecting you can prevent a negative response from spilling over into other situations.

If you are having trouble parking your challenges, call it out. No need to go into all the details, especially at work. But you can help people understand why you may not be yourself if you simply say, “Sorry, if I seem off, I’m having some challenges with my teenager right now, or I’m balancing some elder care responsibilities for my parents and I’m feeling a little divided.”

2-Be present

Running from one stressful or overwhelming situation into another is tough. It’s easy to bring the negative energy from one situation into another. Where possible, try to cue yourself to shift your mindset to the present situation. This may be as simple as taking a moment to write what you need to revisit later if you are transitioning from one meeting to the next. Writing it down will help to clear your mind. Or your mindset shift may mean taking a breath and being aware of your breathing if you are about to lose your temper with that same teenager in example #1.

The emotions we bring to work are equally important as our cognitive skills, but it’s important to note we always want to be authentic, and true to ourselves. Sharing our positive energy does not mean we put on a cheerful face and pretend everything is fine when it’s not. But being aware of our energy means we demonstrate the best of ourselves and, in turn, we bring out the best in others. And we may even help them find their own balloon.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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If you want to accomplish more, consider how you can use the power of focus….

By Ann Gomez

Is it challenging for you to build focus time into your day?

We know distractions can derail our productivity. This is a predicament for many of us. And yet we default to focus when we have a clear deadline and must get something done. We make efficient decisions; we commit to focusing on that one task. We get in the zone – and we stay there.

If you are in a meeting — whether in person or virtual — you’re probably not looking at your email or scrolling on your phone (I hope). You protect that focus time with others. So, why not make the same commitment to yourself?

When you commit to building pockets of focus into your day, you supercharge your productivity. You work more efficiently, produce higher quality work, and feel less stressed.

I recommend a focus routine such as a 45/15 rotation. Turn off alerts, minimize email and other apps, set a timer, and commit to single tasking for 45 minutes. Then, indulge in whatever you want for the remaining 15 minutes: respond to messages; refresh your coffee; snuggle with your hamster.

Your focus sprints can be as long or as short as you want. The time will vary depending on your schedule that day. But even an additional 20 minutes a day of focused attention will help you make progress on what you value most. And you won’t be losing time, the way you do after an interruption (self-imposed or otherwise), to ramp back up to peak productivity.

What part of your day should you use for your focus routine? Again, this will vary on your schedule but ideally, you’ll want to reserve the time when you are at your peak energy level, and most of us are at our best in the morning. That said, only you know the timing that works best for you and your workday.

But whatever time you choose, you deserve an uninterrupted block of focus time. After all, we can’t create, save, or borrow time. We have the same 24 hours a day everyone else has. But we can protect time. And once we do, our calendar opens up in ways we may never have imagined.

If you make focus a habit every day, you will not only feel better, but you’ll have an abundance of time for your most essential work, your key priorities, and all those big goals and aspirations.

We talk about paying yourself first in relation to our finances. You can apply the same principle and pay yourself first to make the most of another valuable resource: your time.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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If you write, particularly if you write from home, you also need to find a way to STOP writing. This post describes how to bookend your day…

By Ann Gomez

When you work from home most of the time, as I do, the lines between your work and home life often blur. You may feel as though you’re always “on,” and work has a way of spilling over into evenings and weekends.

This depletes your attention and your energy reserves. And attention and energy are exactly what you need to do your best work and be present in your personal life.

After all, as Daphne Gray-Grant says, “Writing — like cooking, cleaning, and parenting — is a job that knows no beginning or ending.”

So, what’s the secret to avoiding these blurred lines? It’s simple. Try adding a bookend to close out your day.

We always make more efficient use of a limited resource. And the resource in this case is your time. Declaring specific opening and closing times for your workday will prompt you to make the most of your precious working hours, so you can prioritize and focus on your most essential work.

A related strategy is a shutdown ritual, as described here. Essentially, this is a routine of actions you perform at the end of each workday to establish some boundaries for “closing shop.” It’s a signal that your workday is complete. You may find this helpful if you catch your mind wandering and you feel stressed about an unfinished task when you’re out on a family bike ride or in the middle of a yoga class.

This type of closing ritual is even more important if you don’t have a dedicated workspace or separate office. In this case, you can use cues to shift your brain out of work mode, such as a specific work placemat you use on the dining room table but put away at the end of your workday, or a storage bin where you keep your work-related supplies and materials. You put away the mat and the bin at the end of the day, when it’s time to shift to your personal routines.

Establishing a well-defined end to your workday will give your productivity a boost and clarify the boundaries between work and home.

Yes, there will always be more to do and the nature of modern work and technology is such that we can work wherever, whenever. But we need to balance this ability carefully with our need to disconnect, rest and recover, so we can return as our super-charged, most productive selves the next day.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.

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If you chronically describe yourself as “too busy,” consider how you might change your story to make yourself feel better — and get more done….

By Ann Gomez

Do you have a standard reply when someone asks you, “What’s going on?” or “What’s new?”

Mine used to be, “Busy.” So busy. Always busy!

This was an easy identity to assume with a growing business, a large family (including four kids, each with their own host of activities), and other assorted life commitments.

But I’ve since stopped telling the busy story.

After all, between family, work, friends, and self-care, I can’t think of anything I would drop. Well, maybe I’d drop my taxes if I had a choice. But let’s not split hairs. I have a very full life. And I have the power to change anything I dislike; anything within my control, of course. (So much for the taxes).

But there’s an even more compelling reason for me to drop my busy story.

The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They affect how we shape and perceive reality. Our thoughts form our feelings, and our feelings transform into the words we choose. Our words influence our actions — and those actions produce our results.

The stories we tell ourselves are the most important stories we will ever hear.

As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

We know our brains adapt to new circumstances every day. And Neuroplasticity research shows we’re able to learn practically anything when we commit to sustained, deliberate practice. Keeping our thoughts positive only serves to streamline this process for our brains and helps us feel better about ourselves.

In her memoir Becoming, Michelle Obama recounts a story about a remarkable Chicago school principal, whom she says recognized, “Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result. It’s vulnerability that breeds with self-doubt and then is escalated…by fear.”

It pains me to hear children (or adults, for that matter) say they can’t do something. This is a self-fulfilling limitation. As Carol Dweck, best-selling author of Mindset advises, simply adding “yet” can change this sentence. “I can’t do this, yet” offers a much more optimistic approach.

What stories are you telling yourself? How can you re-frame these stories to create a more successful outcome?

Do you ever say, “I’m nervous” before a big presentation? If so, try mimicking the mindset of professional athletes. High-performance athletes recognize the feelings we get when we’re excited are the same as the ones we have when we’re nervous. Researchers have repeatedly found when experimental subjects are encouraged to reinterpret nervousness as excitement, they perform better. “I’m excited” sounds like a much more empowering story.

Do you ever say, “I’m stressed” during crunch periods? If so, try focusing on how much you’re learning. “I’m grateful for this challenge” suddenly makes the situation feel more manageable and attainable; an opportunity to help you grow and master a new skill. This can make a big difference in our performance.

Do you ever say, “I’m tired”? If so, remind yourself of your deep energy reserves. Consider what would happen if you changed your story to, “I have enough energy for everything that needs to get done today.”

The stories we tell ourselves have a profound impact on who we are. Consider the power of the thoughts and the words you use. If you’re not happy with the plot line, change your narrative. You have it in you to create your own happy ending.

For more strategies you can use to set yourself up for success, see Ann’s latest book, Workday Warrior: A Proven Path to Reclaiming Your Time, published by Dundurn Press, 2022.